Everybody Knows Your Secret

A few months ago a friend sent me a large box of Victoria's Secret fragrances. He explained that his company would receive promotional items and he knew I could provide a home for these leftover bottles. He said he realized Victoria's Secret was no big deal in the perfume world, seeing that it's in every mall in the country and geared to appeal to a mass market. In other words, these would not be challenging works of art. I assured him that didn't matter and I would be happy to try them. I think it's important to stay informed of the mass marketed scents, even when the world of niche perfume houses is a fascinating rabbit hole of experience. Truth is, when the average person asks me for purchasing suggestions, they would prefer a variety of price points. Niche is expensive and often harder to find. So why not try a bunch of easily available scents and review them for you?

Victoria (2013):  The first perfume that I remember trying from the company was called Victoria. This was back in the mid 90s when the store itself was a different incarnation altogether. It catered to classy sexy WOMEN, not college girls/ teenagers. The original Victoria perfume was a heady floral oriental. Now this new scent... same name, different perfume entirely. The name is the only commonality. A blend of tangy cranberry meets creamy caramel drydown in one of the tackiest bottles of all time.

Eau So Sexy: Plain green apple. Men seem to love it even though it's ridiculous simple. Once again, the bottle is ugly. Who is designing these atrocities? I would hide this in a drawer.

Scandalous: Chocolate covered raspberry, toothache sweet. Reminds me of a Bath & Body Works spray. In other words, cheap and lacking nuance. Bottle is adorned with a pouf atomizer. Some designer at Limited Brands who doesn't wear perfume thought this would be cute. There are so many problems with pouf atomizers but that may be another post for another day.

Fearless: Transparent mish mash of berries. Wholly uninspiring, unless your goal is to smell like a Glade candle. The amethyst glass flacon is better looking than most current VS bottles, so it has that one thing going for it.

Bombshell: Bright sour grapefruit and a shampoo floral. Online reviews claim this keep mosquitos away similar to citronella. Not my usual style but I liked it more than I thought I would. It's a nice break from all the vanilla and berry scents. Bombshell has an almost soapy angle to it. I wore it to a job interview. And got the job! They probably thought I seemed wholesome or something.

Sexy Little Things Noir Tease: Another flanker in the extensive 'Sexy Little Things' line and a dead ringer for Viva La Juicy by Juicy Couture. Very gourmand and vanilla. Caramel with a hint of fruit. Smells like something you want to drink. Another atomizer on the bottle, when will the madness end?

Body by Victoria (2012): The company has made 3 perfumes with this name so far. That's like if you named all your children John, even the girls. Most of their perfume lines are launched to go with a new line of lingerie and the 'Body' scents go with their no frills, streamlined collection of smooth shaping bras and panties. I figured out by smell that my sample was the second variation of Body by Victoria.  Musky orange blossom, this one surprised me by being fresh and wearable. It's what you put on before or after a workout.

Forever Sexy: My favorite of the whole lot, this was a light lemony citrus with a creamy white floral and coconut  drydown. It reminded me of a fancy niche fume called Kedu by Memo. I would buy this as an alternative to the expensive Memo line. The bottle is strange but intriguing, tulle wrapped around with a ribbon laced up the back, corset style.

Dream Angels Kiss: Lesser known flanker in the 'Dream Angels' line. Possibly discontinued? Interesting concept but I'm not sure I care for perfumes with mint leaves as a top note.The smell always makes me think of oral hygiene products. I had this same problem with Guerlain's Herba Fresca.

Love Me: Starring the signature VS amber note they have been using for years. They had an amber based line back in the 90s and this reminds me of it, but it's softer for today's modern woman that's afraid to offend anyone. Almost an edible amber and I do like the bottle with the exception of another darn pouf atomizer. Come on Vic! Get it together.

Very Sexy: There are a million variations of the 'Very Sexy' line and my sample was not marked with a year or anything to tell it apart. I tried to use my nose and listed notes to figure out which one it was but by this point all I could smell was a musky fruity floral in my nostrils, the combination of sniffing one too many extremely interchangeable fragrances. I'm sorry I can't be more helpful.

A Stroll Down Amnesia Lane

Today I opened a gorgeous wooden cigar box full of empty samples. I keep these around for posterity, to help me reference and recall, for purposes of these writings and for my own twisted amusement. I thought I'd share with you today a transcription of what was stated off the cuff, the first thoughts that sprang to my mind as I reopened and breathed in perfumes I hadn't thought about in quite awhile.


Lancome Attraction "It's nice, slutty in a suburban mom kind of way"

Bulgari Omnia Amethyste "smells floral sweet, smells like someone who gives a damn"

Thierry Mugler Alien "SEX JASMINE. Love it."

Nina by Nina Ricci "Smells like me watching Season One of Gossip Girl"

Liz Claiborne "I should be making out with Rob Lowe or other 80s heart throb"

Philosophy Falling In Love "too sweet. ugh, no thank you"

Vera Wang Princess Night "Thanksgiving dinner with my family"

Elie Saab Le Parfum "hospital, last fall, post operation"

Hilde Soliani FRaaagola Saalaaata (real spelling, not a typo) "Oh God I am gonna be sick."

Givenchy Hot Couture "reminds me of one of my worst days"

Christian Dior Miss Dior Originale "Hot damn I want to smell like this! I bet Mary Poppins wore this!"

Escada Ocean Lounge "awww it's a Strawberry Shortcake doll"

Yves St Laurent Elle "You know, I wore this once when I headlined so to me it smells of success and that good vibe backstage and a bit of nervous sweat."

Givenchy Very Irresistible "Art Institute of Chicago. Rainy days.  A slightly pensive feeling"

Versace Crystal Noir "used to love it, then one night at a theatre I sat next to a basic bitch who drenched herself, now I can't handle it"

Penhaligon's Elixir "mmmm it is the cottage on the lake in the woods, it takes me there"

Tom Ford Oud Wood "yummy. more guys should smell like this."

Clinique Aromatics Elixir "oh God, I can't even with this stuff most of the time"

Eau d'Italie Magnolia Roma "this tickles my throat but oh how clean and fresh it is!"

Hermes Eau de Merveilles "mmmm Here is the thing, see I want Jean Claude-Ellena [the nose behind Merveilles] to adopt me as his god daughter and teach me everything about perfume and art and life. "

The Week of Living Dangerously

The perfumed world does not smell the way it once did. The balsamic orientals of the 20s and 30s, the oakmoss chypres of the 40s and 50s, the civet bombs of the 60s, bitter greens of the 70s and the powerhouse floral elixirs of the 80s are largely going extinct. They have been replaced by a scent trend I disparagingly refer to as "candyfloss water". Occasionally I will catch a whiff of a great one from decades past, but not very often. These days it's as if people are afraid to be smell-worthy. When I do recognize perfume on someone, it's one of the fruity vanilla baby powder concoctions that might as well be a drugstore body splash due to it's worthless sillage and piss poor longevity.


Do I sound snotty? Maybe I am. Or maybe I'm just fed up with this growing idea that wearing REAL perfume is rude. I try hard to be moderate in application, but I also feel that wearing too little is stingily wasteful. If I can't even smell it, what is the point? A few weeks ago I received a warning from a manager to tone down the perfume at work. I honestly think the implication was "No more Paloma Picasso on a Monday morning" but of course that wasn't said. I didn't think I was wearing a very large amount, especially because I work in close proximity to a woman who is quite honest with her opinion regarding my scent of the day and she absolutely would have told me if I had gone overboard, which she hadn't. Never the less, it was bothering someone and I agreed to be mindful of my choices and to use a light hand.


I looked through my extensive collection and picked a handful of fragrances that were certainly "office appropriate" (See my previous blog post on not being a weirdo for some idea of what those are). But within a week of rocking the same 3 perfumes over and over I was angry and bored. I made up my mind to not spend 40 hours a week feeling that way. The heavy hitters of yesteryear deserved a fair shot and I was determined to learn just how to wear them. I decided to try an experiment. For one work week, I would wear a different big sillage beauty in small amounts. The point wasn't to be rude, the point was to teach myself how to display their beauty properly. Here is what happened.


MONDAY: Estee Lauder Private Collection. My introduction to this unique one was actually when a mini bottle was gifted to me by a colleague. This is very much THE favored smell of the 1970s. It's a potent green full of oakmoss and chrysanthemum, but I saw no crinkled noses all day, even after half the mini leaked into my purse.


TUESDAY: Christian Dior Poison. Here is the true sillage bomb test. Can one wear Poison to the office and live to tell? Seems that I'm learning moderate application because not one word was said about this iconic plummy tuberose potion that everyone thinks they hate. I took that as a major victory. By the way, this one changes on me immensely as it wears, journeying from fruity to floral to smokey to wood as the hours pass. I love a fragrance that tells a little story and I love the way this still clung to my hair at the end of the day.


WEDNESDAY: Galanos. I had a little sample of this one (launched my birth year!) and thought it appropriate for this experiment. Sniffing from the vial I was like "whoa everything going on here!" On skin it wears a bit like a cousin of Opium or Youth Dew but without the overpowering incense or spice cupboard feeling of those. Galanos is the quieter relative, with a spotlight on florals like geranium and carnation. She is restrained. I noticed herbal qualities of bay leaf or some coniferous needles. This made it feel fresh and not at all dated. Again, no one commented on my scent being noticeable.


THURSDAY: Rose Cardin. While not extremely vintage, it's still a nod to times past. Pierre Cardin introduced Rose Cardin in 1990 and it rides the fence of either being a screaming neon pink mini skirt or a classic navy blazer. A rose patchouli with serious throw, this was from an era when rose patchoulis had not yet been produced by everybody and their mother's fashion houses. Reminded me of Barbie dolls from my childhood. Nobody said anything perfume related to me... until the late afternoon when I received a flask of Chloe Love in the mail and spritzed the powdery, supposedly inoffensive juice on my wrist. My co-worker recoiled, saying it reminded her of baby diapers. Interesting that the first perfume to receive a comment all week was  single spray of the oh so modern and gentle Chloe Love, which had been touted as perfect for daytime wear.


FRIDAY: Muguet de Bois. For the last day of my experiment, I chose to celebrate early spring with a vintage floral gifted to me by a dear perfume loving friend. Coty launched Muguet de Bois in the 1940s and it has remained a best seller for decades. It is a true soliflore, very green and fresh. However, it does come from an era where women wanted their perfumes to be noticed. And this was noticed, but in the best way! Three different people commented on the lovely lily of the valley aroma in the office as they approached my work area. One woman even looked around for a vase of flowers, that is how realistic Muguet de Bois smells. Like a wet garden on a warm morning in May. And who in the world is going to complain about the smell of a real flower garden?


All in all, my experiment was a success. I learned how to wear my favorites in moderate amounts and my office mates had no complaints. Will I continue to wear things like Poison on the job? Probably not, as some scents deserve more focused appreciation than I am able to devote while distracted with work. I'm not one to save perfumes for a special occasion but I do appreciate the strong connection of smell with memories. For that reason there are a few I will save for times I'm guaranteed to be happy and relaxed. I would hate to sully one of my greatest loves by wearing it to a day of crabby clients and paper cuts. And those low sillage "skin scents" that I love ought to wait for a special night when a special someone gets close enough to love them too.

Stop Being So Weird

My favorite perfumes are PERFUMES, if that makes any sense. Complex, shape-shifting, leaving a ghost in your wake. Fragrances are marketed as a fashion accessory, a beauty product meant to create an aura. Being a dramatic sort of person, my preference is for the more unique accessories.  But there are times when the world becomes scary and unfeeling and I lose my desire to be noticed. Fears of alienation take over and suddenly I only long to fit in. The tall poppy gets mowed down and I don't want that to be me. Sometimes it's better to not rock the boat. Today I want to talk about the scents out there that bring to mind words like: mainstream, middle of the road, average, unoffensive, generic, conservative, safe, quiet. These are not necessarily negative qualities, because on a "who am I?" day they are exactly what I crave.


Ralph Lauren Romance (rose, ginger, musk, chamomile)

The inspiration for this post. I used to think Romance was boring and generic. This was back in the late 90s and it really did smell quite similar to other fragrances that were being mass marketed at the time. Now that some years have passed since it's launch, I have a newfound appreciation for Romance. Crisp semi-sweet florals that initially threaten to bring on a sneezing fit soon gain composure and find their assigned seats as the soothing chamomile note supervises the action. Romance is one of those "freshly shampooed hair" scents to me and really... who can find fault with smelling clean?


Marc Jacobs Daisy (violet, leaves, grapefruit, strawberry)

This is a casual carefree summer day in a bottle. Once again, I thought it was boring when I sniffed the bottle, but then I kept going back to smell it. Something about it did intrigue me, so I bought a tiny bit and wore it around Chicago one summer weekend. It was perfect for sultry humid weather. It's sweet and girly no doubt. Pink is the color I see. But there is a bitterness from the grapefruit and violet leaves that I really enjoy. It gives it a slightly metallic green edge that is refreshing.


Estee Lauder Pleasures (lily of the valley, lilac, peony, rose)

I used to really hate this. But one day I was mad at the world so I went full out and doused myself in it. Yes, I have perfume "punishment" days like that... hmm, another post, another time. Anyway, not saying that I loved this at the end of the day but I finally appreciated it. It's an opaque lily of the valley with added interest of other spring florals. VERY green. I think it just feels too sexless for me. It's a church scent, it's for really good girls and I don't know if I can even pretend to be this pure.


Versace Bright Crystal (yuzu, pomegranate, peony, lotus)

It must be the yuzu. It has to be the yuzu. I can't say that I've ever smelled real yuzu but it must smell like a cross between grapefruit and quince. Tart with the tiniest edge of bitterness. Added to creamy soft lotus and peppery fresh bright peony, Bright Crystal is well balanced fruity floral and it's interesting. When I wore this I felt energized. I could imagine myself as a college cheerleader or a young entrepreneur. Someone with perfect skin. Someone who accessorizes. Someone who crams way too many activities into a 24 hour period. Then it wears off and I'm just back to being lazy old me again.


Tommy Hilfiger Tommy Girl (lemon, honeysuckle, apple blossom, mint)

Simple, airy and natural. Like a freshly cut lawn in the summer, the grass clippings mixed with a few stray flower petals. I think about apple orchards and bales of hay. I find Tommy Girl to be best on the hottest days of summer. It has unbelievable longevity for a fruity floral and even mixes well with traces of chlorinated pool water on my skin.


Prada Infusion d'Iris (iris, incense, cedar, benzoin)

What would you wear to a funeral? You wouldn't actually wear a "gothic" type scent because those are often seductive, possibly disrespectful. You would wear something pretty and subtle and conservative. You would wear something to hug a bereaved person and make them feel comforted. You would wear Prada Infusion d'Iris maybe. Honestly, most Prada scents would be right for a funeral, memorial service, last rites.... any solemn occasion that calls for dignity. They are all classy and subtle and won't rock the boat.


Bulgari Blu II (violet, anise, cotton flower, musk)

I found this so safe and conservative when I first smelled it, I thought "Oh I should just use this bottle for my office job and finish it up". So I did and now I find myself missing it. It shares some notes with Lolita Lempicka, which is a perennial favorite of mine. But although they are both powdery violet and licorice, Blu II is more transparent, simpler. Where Lolita Lempicka curls around you and wraps you in her magical forest spell, Blu II does no obvious witchcraft. Instead it greets you in a friendly pleasant way and then sits quietly on the skin. Blu II is like a romantic watercolor portrait of a snowy forest scene. If Lolita Lempicka is a fairytale dream you had, then Blu II is the faded memory of your dream as you go through the next morning. And I need it again, because it did bewitch me in some way.